Tonsil Hockey
by just a rambling romantic
Summary: “Oh yes,” Byakuya said in a long-suffering voice, “I totally get it up for paperwork.” under the desk secks. PwP? RENBYA for Puts foot in Mouth. The title is pure sillyness because I have no ideas for a GOOD title.


This is for _Puts Foot in Mouth,_ who is a lovely creature and is calling in a favor for sexin' of the RenjiBya kind.

Before I start, I'd like to address all you ByaRen or Renbya writers for a second. This has been a private issue that's been irking me since I've come into the Renbya scene; it's the question of WHO TOPS?? I see RenBya in the summary and my heart leaps for joy, just to crumple as I realize Renji isn't topping after all. (this has only happened a handful of times, but now when I look at a byaren I can't help but wonder… does Byakuya top? Or does Renji?)

So I implore you, fellow byaren renbya lovers/shippers, can we figure out a system that indicates who tops? My reasoning is that the seme comes first and then the uke, but I'm willing to change my wily ways, if only for the sake of clarity! -dramatic sob-

**Okay, I'm done now, thanks for your time! Unless you just skipped this first part, then I guess there's really nothing for me to say/do. For the rest of you though, here's a basket of cookies and sparklies and pills that make you puke rainbows!**

So without further ado, and no more stalling and the prompted words, "hair pulling," forefront in my mind, I shall attempt to write something worthwhile.

-- --

Byakuya's hair had always been a great source of admiration for many hair connoisseurs in the soul society. His style and poise puts him just below Yumichika, who holds onto his claim of being the "best-looking soul reaper in the Seretei" with the grip of a rabid dog. But for all that he is idolized, Byakuya does not seem to care what others think. His style has remained unchanged for the past decade, and does not show any indications of diversifying in the near future.

Renji could not care less about style and the comings and goings of fashion if he tried. His clothes are whole and clean and his scabbard and sword still fit snuggly in the standard issue belt that came with the uniform; so what's the problem? His only vice are the goggles perched snugly on his head covering his tattoos, which is easily defended with the argument, "I only have one pair! The last one got sliced in half by Kurosaki!" If anyone found it suspicious that he happened to challenge Ichigo Kurosaki to a duel whenever a more stylish pair of goggles came out, they had the good sense to keep their mouths shut about it.

Moving along, the daily routine—which varies, depending on the circumstances—of Captain Kuchiki Byakuya and Assistant Captain Abarai Renji follows as such:

In the morning, when there is only a thin line of light above the gigantic wall that surrounds the soul society Byakuya wakes up and slips silently out of the futon. Whether he tucks the stray strands of red hair out of Renji's face and pulls the blankets a little tighter around his bedmate's sleeping form depends on his mood that day.

When Renji awakens it is because the sun is glinting in his eyes. He yawns and stretches before rolling to his feet and heading for the bathroom. He is not so much bothered by waking up alone as he is irked that there is a blueish purple bruise peeking slightly out of his shirt when he looks into a mirror. He'll have to face the cat calls from some of his friends in the eleventh division on his way to the sixth division, but he'd rather face comments like, "Did you make her _howl_ last night, Abarai?" rather than, "Hey, Renji, does Kuchiki-taicho really have a tight ass?"

If he's lucky, when he slides open the door to check in with Captain Kuchiki no one but Byakuya will be in there. And when that happens—and it happens so very rarely that Renji can count the number of times that it's happened on one hand—Byakuya will smile and Renji will manage a crooked grin and say teasingly, "_Tadaima." _And Byakuya's eyes will light up and he'll return to his paper work for a few moments before responding softly, "_Okaeri."_

They share a moment of silence, bathed in the golden morning sunlight with dust motes swirling around their heads like golden specs. And then there is the paperwork. There are mountains of it. On Renji's desk, on Byakuya's desk, in the arms of subordinates carrying it in and out of the spacious office that is becoming more and more cluttered with each passing hour. The smell of fresh ink and the ache of holding a brush ingrained in both men's memories.

Neither of them spoke. It was almost as if anything spoken above a whisper would create a great avalanche of paper and decrees to come crashing down on both of their heads. Or, at least, that's how it felt to Renji. Byakuya was so engrossed in his work that he blocked out everything else.

The day ends at seventeen hundred hours (five o'clock) and Renji heads for the practice grounds while Byakuya heads for the gym. At eighteen hundred hours (six o'clock) they switch. After that (at seven o'clock) they return to their respective homes for another hour before Renji cooks them both dinner, simultaneously teaching Byakuya how to make the dish—for cooking is not something nobles learn. After a dinner they retire to the other side of the room.

Renji's house consists of only one story that two stories above the ground and the top of the apartment building. It has one bathroom, one bedroom and a large living area that has a small kitchen and wooden flooring. The window ledges are rounded and the building is made of stucco. When it rains, the roof leaks in some places, but when it's summer the house is cool and when it's winter the house is warm—not to say that during the night the house _isn't_ cold in the winter (but that's what Byakuya is there for). The room now is a comfortable cool, a hint of humidity in the air thanks to the open windows.

Renji owns a large, slightly overstuffed navy blue couch which is situated on the far side of the room facing the kitchen table. An ornate red and gold carpet lying in front of the couch, which can only be defined as 'fugly' according to Renji, was Byakuya's addition to the room. At first glance Renji would not even stand to have such an abomination in his house, until Byakuya proceeded to show him how soft the rug actually was—it wasn't until much, much later that Renji learned that the rug was actually a priceless Kuchiki heirloom.

As it were, Byakuya and Renji settle on the couch. With Renji wedged into one of the arms and Byakuya leaning his back against him reading a book, or perhaps with Renji sprawled carelessly across Byakuya's lap and listening as he read aloud, absentmindedly running the hand not holding his book through Renji's hair.

More often than not, they strike up a conversation. Once Renji had the nerve to ask why Byakuya never wanted to stay at his mansion. The reply was fairly simple, "Because it's too big and too lonely."

Around twenty-two hundred, when the gigantic bell, which rang across the soul society every hour, tolls ten times, Renji ceases whatever activity he happens to be engaged in at the time and begins his nightly rituals in the bathroom. At twenty-two ten Byakuya sets down his book and takes over the bathroom, whether Renji is finished or not. The next fifteen minutes are spent in relative anticipation for Renji while he waits for Byakuya to exit the bathroom. At twenty-two twenty-five Byakuya falls into Renji's waiting arms and the cycle repeats itself.

The past week, however, seemed to have no idea of how things worked on a daily basis for Byakuya and Renji. It seemed like it was nothing but continuous paperwork and manual labor from the moment they woke to the moment they fell into each other's arms to sink into a deep, exhausted slumber. That Byakuya didn't even bother returning to his house before heading to work and while Renji found it extremely fulfilling to wake up next to another warm body, he fully understood why Byakuya never stuck around. Kuchiki Byakuya was _**not**_ a morning person. Let's just leave it at that.

Even so, Renji's libido still had time to make his day hell. It was getting to the point where he couldn't even _look_ at his captain without feeling the telltale signs of arousal. Finally the day came when Byakuya placed his pen thoughtfully in his mouth to contemplate something and Renji stood up, slamming his hands on the table and scattering paperwork everywhere. "I can't stand this anymore!" He exclaimed, but not so loudly as to draw attention.

To say that Byakuya was taken aback when Renji came at him over the desk was an understatement. They had not so much as even touched while on the job before, and here Renji was, breaking every sort of unspoken agreement not to come into physical contact at the office. Renji was leaning over him, supporting himself on the arms of the chair. A few strands of hair were free of his ponytail and his breathing was ragged and hot on Byakuya's face, smelling like the cinnamon toothpaste that he had used that morning.

"Renji," Byakuya kept his face smooth and his voice as calms as he could manage with all the butterflies in his stomach, "what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Let's do it," Renji's voice was husky as he leaned in to suck on Byakuya's neck, "let's do it right here, Kuchiki-_taicho."_

Byakuya felt an electric shock of arousal pulse through his body at his words, and he had to fight himself not to give in, "Don't… Ahh… We can't…Mmmm… Not. Here." He pushed Renji away. Renji would not be denied, though, and pressed his lips against Byakuya's' licking along the crease.

" 'Kuya," he muttered pitifully when he got no response, punctuation each word with a kiss "_Taaiicho_. Why. Won't. You. Kiss. Me. Back?"

Byakuya had to bury his face in Renji's shirt to avoid the kisses, "Can't you wait till we get home?" He hissed, feeling the blood rushing to his face. What if they were caught?

"No." Renji seized a handful of Byakuya's hair and yanked him back, he took advantage of Byakuya's open mouth and delved his tongue into it, swallowing the moan of pain. Byakuya tried to force Renji's tongue out of his mouth by pushing it with his own tongue, but found the texture to be much to intoxicating to pass up. Renji would have smiled if he hadn't been playing tonsil-hockey. The sound of voices brought them both crashing back down into reality. Byakuya was up in an instant, pushing Renji down.

"Under the desk!" He hissed, wild-eyed, "Quick! There's no time!" Renji did as he was told, grateful that the oak desk reached to the floor. The space was cramped, but there was still enough room for Byakuya to scoot his chair forward enough so that Renji was forced to kneel in between his legs with a front row view of Byakuya's crotch and the bulge pressing against the material there. Renji smiled a smile so devious that Byakuya could feel it through the desktop.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't." he growled.

"You better have your poker face on, _Taicho_."

"Wha—AH!" Byakuya squawked when Renji grasped his erection through the cottony material.

"Kuchiki-_taicho_?" A feminine, good-natured voice came through the desk behind Renji. He ignored it in favor of rubbing his thumb over the bulge, making Byakuya's legs shiver.

"Y-yes, Unohana-_taicho_?" Byakuya sounded normal for the most part. _Let's see how long that lasts_, Renji bit back a chuckle as his fingers worked to undo the knot in Byakuya's belt. As soon as Renji was working to move aside the fabric covering the prize, Byakuya's right hand caught his hand in an iron grip.

"I was just coming by to check up on you and Abarai, I heard you two have been under a lot of stress lately and I thought I'd see if I could do anything to help." Unohana's voice sounded slightly concerned, "Speaking of which, where is Abarai?"

"OH! O-oh, him. He's out." Byakuya choked as Renji's free hand snaked underneath the cloth to grab his naked erection.

"Are you okay, Kuchiki-_taicho_, you look a little overheated…?" Renji removed the clothing in his way, pumping the member slowly a few times before giving the head a tentative lick and sucking on it. Byakuya's right hand immediately flew to Renji's hair, holding his head there as if unsure whether to force him away or down.

"I-I'm fine, just a little stuffy in here." Byakuya sounded a little more flustered than before.

"Shall I open the door for you?"

Renji felt a few hairs being pulled from his scalp as he forced his head down, rubbing his tongue along the underside of Byakuya's cock. "YES! A-hem, I mean, yes, please."

Renji began to move his head up and down, sucking hard and bringing one hand up to fondle the round aspects of the male anatomy and Byakuya crumpled onto the desk with an incoherent moan. That was all the warning that Renji got before he felt the balls in his hand clench and he was choking on salty, unpleasant tasting liquid.

"Byakuya!" Unohana cried, "what in the world is wrong with you toda—?" Unohana stopped suddenly and a note of dawning comprehension covered her words, "oh. OH! Oh my! I'm so sorry for interrupting, please excuse me!"

The sound of a door slamming shut and running footsteps heralded the fourth division captain's departure.

"Ah," Renji coughed, "now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Byakuya didn't get the chance to answer because just then the eleventh division's captain, Zaraki chose that moment to barge into the office. "Hey, Kuchiki, I need to borrow some pencils and…" it was silent for a moment as he sniffed the air. Renji only needed to here Zaraki's voice to see the big, leering grin on his face, "So you really _like_ paperwork, don't you, Kuchiki?"

"Oh yes," Byakuya said in a long-suffering voice, "I totally get it up for paperwork."

-- -- --

Haha! LAME ENDING. Typical PwP, I'd say. I liked the beginning, though….

Guess what boys and girls?? I'm gonna teach you how to tell military time !(cue cheering) Military time is set starting at 0 (which is 12 am) SO the AM time is the same ! (yay!) but the PM time gets a little tricky, 12 PM is the same, but 1 PM is 13 o'clock. So basically, what I do is add two to whatever number I'm changing and just put a 1 in front of it! Good times, right?! RIGHT??

I'm sorry for being so terribly lame and using these phrases. They're my not-so-secrete-anymore shame…

Tadaima- I'm back (home)

Okaeri- welcome back (home)

_**Whatever, reviews are awesomesauce. And I hope you liked it, Puts Foot in Mouth!!**_


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